November 13, 2009

I wrote this a while back in word, over several hours.

"Wow, Monday is now a blur. I suppose I have the notes here, somewhere. The pressure is lessened, and I have less direction, somehow (or more details to try to collect, or something). But really, when I feel no pressure, I want to enjoy the time, not work. Such is the sin nature. So normal, it doesn’t even seem wrong. Is it possible to delight in doing right, working hard, even in the mundane and routine? Just as it is possible, I’m pretty sure, to find God in the mundane and routine, I suspect it must be possible to find delight in this kind of work, or at least in doing right. It is possible, but it is also a definite putting to death of the sin nature, and taking up the Christ nature. Think about that a minute. Learning to delight in doing right and working hard is not something I can do on my own. Even those who find delight in doing right or working hard apart from Christ, have found some leisure or pride to drive them. This is not natural. So quit beating yourself up for not wanting to, for complaining, all of it. Just repent. Does repentance always have to come with deep contrition? Maybe it doesn’t? Interesting. Another day, another norm turned upside down.

"Let’s review: delighting in doing right and working hard is not normal or natural, it is holy and supernatural, and therefore requires Holy Spirit intervention.

"And I’m realizing – humility also means lightening loads, it is acknowledging “I can’t handle this” and letting God shoulder it.

"Wow.

"Am I finally ready to set food upon this road? Lord, I confess I don’t have willing hands or a focused mind or a controlled will. I don’t delight in doing what is right down at the “small” level, I don’t delight in a day’s work. And yes, I can think of scripture to support the worth of a day’s work. Ok. Please forgive me and help me overcome. I acknowledge that this overcoming may take longer than I would like, but even this lesson here leaves me more transformed now than when I woke up this morning.

"Where do I start? ...

"Like David after six steps – yay!!! One, I’m so glad you showed me a place to start. Two, I’m glad to find a willingness in my hands, a joy in obedience – you are answering my prayer. Let me not forget it, oh let me not forget it! Furthermore, this joy, this teaching and transforming is an answer to my prayer this morning, help me see you, help me love you. Amen.

...

"Oh, I finished the notes and didn’t even think about “what’s next.” I just unthinkingly awarded myself a break. Lord, I wandered off on my own again, ceased following and submitting. Please forgive me, bring me back. Thank you for your unfailing love and absolute forgiveness (which is wonderful no matter how many times I fall, more wonderful every time, in fact). Let’s get going again."