For a very long time I have known that my sin nature is something like a zombie. For every day that I confess, repent of, and put to death a sin, there is a tomorrow that it comes back to life again. If I don't kill the sin again, it only grows stronger, day after day, until my heart is cold to God and I'm a walking sin-zombie, not a new creation.
For an equally long time, I have been taught that I should have a daily quiet time. I resist this teaching as legalistic and prone to ritual dryness. If I do try it, I struggle with what to read, how to pray, and fitting it into my schedule, because the "typical" 20 minute quiet time is not really adequate. I'd rather have at least about hour, and sometimes two. I do not yet have the will to go to bed early enough to get up early enough so that I can have that hour or two without distraction at the beginning of my day.
I'm beginning to learn what it means to walk in the Spirit. I have encountered my need for him in very physical places, such as taking care of my health, getting homework done, relating to Josh (it amazes me, by the way, that these days I am encountering the Holy Spirit so much more in mundane physical things than I am in worship or theology). On several occasions, when my need is particularly acute, I have confessed my pride and lack of self-control, and then invited the Holy Spirit to take control, to lead and guide. I have been delighted and amazed by the wisdom and peace that flows on those days. I have discovered that walking with the Holy Spirit is more like taking off the auto-pilot and learning to really fly, though in my sin I fear it is the reverse.
And then I go to sleep, content and in peace. The next morning, I wake up, I can't feel my need, and in pride I forget that I need the Holy Spirit to deal with my sin, in my pride I refuse to surrender. Throughout the day, I remember that I am supposed to be walking in the Spirit, asking for his guidance, and I feel my heart rebel.
How can my mind remember the peace and wisdom and joy of walking with the Spirit and my heart so selfishly and pridefully rebel the very next day?!
Suddenly it clicked, the connection between my daily undead sin and daily taking up the cross. The connection between walking with the Spirit and some kind of daily quiet time. Maybe it is only the prayer of surrender, maybe it is more. I can't say what my daily quiet time will be, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid the ritual, so for now that's the plan. But every day I want to walk with the Spirit, the first thing I need to do is kill a zombie.
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